have u ever accidentally befriended someone who is very very irritating
I thought you said beheaded
that would not be an accident
i did that adult thing you can do where you buy an entire cake and just eat it
i am eating an entire cake
update: there is more cake than i imagined.
i see now why my parents didn’t let me do this
A news station was interviewing a man who lived near a dangerous intersection. It is known for an inordinate number of car crashes.
HE JUST KIND OF STEPS BACK
“oh see there you go son”
BALLS OF NONCHALANT STEEL
“See, now this is the kinda shit I’m talking about…”
is there anything weirder than waking up after a dream and all the details are still fresh in your mind so you’re just like what the FUCK WAS THAT WHY DID I THINK THAT WAS NORMAL HOW DID DREAM ME NOT QUESTION THAT
I once had a dream in which someone asked me “how can you tell this isn’t a dream” and I was like, “of course it’s not a dream: I have four hands”
THE REASON I GAVE FOR THINKING THIS DREAM WAS REALITY WAS THE FACT I HAD TWO EXTRA HANDS
Imagine having braces during the apocalypse. no one can take your braces off. And you just have to accept that you’ll have braces forever.
i want a novel focused around a character with braces during the apocalypse and the entire plot of the story revolves around their search for an orthodontist who is still alive and they sort of accidentally save the world in the process
Imagine your OTP slow-dancing to a love song, with Person A quietly singing the words in Person B’s ear.
imagine this happening during the apocalypse and they both know they’re going to die soon
WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT
friendly reminder that ‘dating’ is just a social construct designed by the patriarchy to keep women from fully experiencing life (^‿^✿)